Today, if my brother had stuck around - would be his 56th birthday. He died right before he turned 40. We share the month of December as my birthday is two days later and I'll be ...one of two older sisters. I can't help but wonder what his life would be like right now had he stayed. Would he have kids? Would his hair be grey. Would he visit me often in the mountains? What would his wife be like had he married.
I have quite a few pics of him but only one saved in files on this newer computer. I think I might spend the day finding some more in my many boxes of pics - just because it feels good to do that and my focus might bring him close today.
He died in 1998 in January - the following December when his birthday came up, Dec 5, (he would have turned 40) I started into a little depression over his death and by Dec 7, was a little emotionally dramatic (like why did you do this Bill)...Anyway - no one was home, kids in school, husband at work. I got up from my desk where I had been crying and went into my bedroom to have a more private cry. When I came back there were two things that had happened. His picture that I kept on a little shelf by my desk was sitting on the keyboard of my computer and a few minutes later when I went into the kitchen and passed the piano in the living room - a room which I rarely used but just passed through to my office - was my name "Sandy" written in dust (yes the dust was that thick - we lived in a dry area and a few days without dusting you could write a letter in it).
He always told my sister and I - for at least 20 years - he would never live to be 40. We didn't believe him.
For me I had no doubt that he came through to me that day and proved he was still around.
He had moved to Tombstone, Arizona to live in the same little town my dad did. He became the local plumber there but enjoyed being one of the many cowboys that lived in town. This was the last pic ever taken of him that I know of - he and his girlfriend (who I cropped out of the pic) had gone to one of those places where you can dress up and get an old time pic taken. It wasn't long after that he passed.
Happy "would be today" 56th birthday. Come and visit me again okay?
so I wrote this out because I believe when we think about them, or write about them, it draws them close to us and I actually hope to feel him around today. Day before yesterday Mike was down the hill with a grandkid and i was alone. I was downstairs but heard footsteps upstairs. I didn't even remember until yesterday that it was his birthday coming up. He probably came through to see if I was busy preparing a birthday cake for him;)
and on a lighter note - i have been doing the five day black and white challenge over at FB and today was the 5th day and I chose this picture of one of my granddaughters, Holly..who is almost 9. She was visiting and I took this photo at our lake. I just love the way it turned out.
I have quite a few pics of him but only one saved in files on this newer computer. I think I might spend the day finding some more in my many boxes of pics - just because it feels good to do that and my focus might bring him close today.
He died in 1998 in January - the following December when his birthday came up, Dec 5, (he would have turned 40) I started into a little depression over his death and by Dec 7, was a little emotionally dramatic (like why did you do this Bill)...Anyway - no one was home, kids in school, husband at work. I got up from my desk where I had been crying and went into my bedroom to have a more private cry. When I came back there were two things that had happened. His picture that I kept on a little shelf by my desk was sitting on the keyboard of my computer and a few minutes later when I went into the kitchen and passed the piano in the living room - a room which I rarely used but just passed through to my office - was my name "Sandy" written in dust (yes the dust was that thick - we lived in a dry area and a few days without dusting you could write a letter in it).
He always told my sister and I - for at least 20 years - he would never live to be 40. We didn't believe him.
For me I had no doubt that he came through to me that day and proved he was still around.
He had moved to Tombstone, Arizona to live in the same little town my dad did. He became the local plumber there but enjoyed being one of the many cowboys that lived in town. This was the last pic ever taken of him that I know of - he and his girlfriend (who I cropped out of the pic) had gone to one of those places where you can dress up and get an old time pic taken. It wasn't long after that he passed.
Happy "would be today" 56th birthday. Come and visit me again okay?
so I wrote this out because I believe when we think about them, or write about them, it draws them close to us and I actually hope to feel him around today. Day before yesterday Mike was down the hill with a grandkid and i was alone. I was downstairs but heard footsteps upstairs. I didn't even remember until yesterday that it was his birthday coming up. He probably came through to see if I was busy preparing a birthday cake for him;)
and on a lighter note - i have been doing the five day black and white challenge over at FB and today was the 5th day and I chose this picture of one of my granddaughters, Holly..who is almost 9. She was visiting and I took this photo at our lake. I just love the way it turned out.
6 comments:
I wonder about the same things you do. I miss him a lot and I feel peaceful when I look into his eyes in this picture.
And the b and w of Holly! I love it!
i like the way the black and white of Holly turned out too!
I hope you feel your brother's presence today. My sister died in a car accident when she was 24 years old and I was 21. That was many years ago, but I often wonder what her life would have been like if she were still here.
I love the picture of Holly!
that's sad Daisy - was she your only sister? sorry to read that - must have been hard at 21 to lose a sister - at 21 years old one usually doesn't have much exposure to someone close to them passing.
Death is so hard but memories and these wonderful visitations are so special. I lost my little brother last February to cancer. He was ten years younger than me and I miss him.
Your brother as mine, will always be close to us.
Love and Hugs Sandy
sorry Wanda about your brother - ...I too believe they are always close.
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